John - Guitar
A tragic, disfiguring industrial accident ended my chance to follow my famous uncle, (whom I was named after), into "The Business." Instead I turned to my second love, music. I became fascinated with primitive, tribal sounds, acquiring profieniency in the entire repertoire of the Balinka tribe, a Sub-Saharan culture well known for having developed a musical scale consisting of a single note. Naturally, this fascination with primitivism led me to Punk Rock, wherein I mastered several additional notes, and even some complete chords.
Rikki - Drums
I hit things with sticks. Before I hit things with sticks, I hit things with rocks. Before I hit things, I played almost every woodwind instrument. This lead to my developing an invisible blow gun that I use to shoot imaginary poison darts at people I don't like. Sometimes, I scream into a mic with another band. Besides music, I also enjoy knitting, water polo, running the Doris Day Fan Club, fart jokes and recreating the office scene from Fight Club.
Fred - Vocals
I was born on a distant planet, raised in Gotham City. I have been in every NJ band NOT signed to a major label. By day, I'm a mailman, but I rock out at night! That means I push the envelope 24/7
Lawrence - Bass
The Original inventor of The Slap-Chop, "you're gonna love my nuts," I was set to make a fortune, when Vince, the coke addled late night TV salesman, stole my concept. What followed was a dark period of alcoholic despair, and a short-,lived and unsuccessful career as a combination hobo/acupuncturist. I finally got my act together after learning Tibetan Meditation. While working with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson I had an epiphany, vowing to shun any activity that could lead to wealth or money. That's what led me to become a Punk Rock musician.